A Very American Guy Reunion
by Nellie.Buchanan
Summary: After not seeing each other for 15 years, cousins Lois Griffin and Francine Smith agree to have a family reunion.
1. Chapter 1-The Griffins

"Lois! Pack the bags!" yelled Peter honking the horn. Stewie covered his ears,

"Bloody hell fat man! I'm just a baby...hand over the flask dog." He held out his hand towards Brian.

"Are you joking me? See Peter this is whats wrong with todays' economy, today baby wanting alcohol then the next babys are killing." Stewie glared at Brian _damn dog, he's onto me!_

_"_Brian take a chill pill bro. And by the way repeated alcohol use-"

"No. No. You know what Chris? No one cares for your...your random drug facts you stoner." Brian snapped back. Chris hmmphed and looked forward.

"LOIS! hurry up! MEG! Come on!" Peter yelled as he honked the horn a couple more times.

"God dammit! Fat man shut up!" Stewie yelled from the back seat. Lois opened the door and brushed her hair back. She walked to the trunk of the car and put her bag inside. She waved to Joe who was laying on the ground.

"Almost got it this time Joe?"

"Yea Lois...almost got it this time...damn newspaper." Lois chuckled, shut the trunk and sat down in the passenger seat.

"Are you ready?" She asked Peter.

"About dang time Lois. I was gunna leave ya." He taunted. She shook her finger at him and smirked.

"On ward to the Smiths'!" Lois screeched. Peter reversed out of the driveway and drove down the street. He stopped at the stop sign._ Did I forget something?_ he thought to himself.

"DAD! GUYS! WAIT!" The voice was close behind, panting, and slightly angry. _Nope I didn't forget anything._

_"_Dad. We need to go back...I...uhh... I forgot my sketch book." Chris piped from the back seat. Peter rolled him eyes and moaned.

"Every time Chris...every time..." Peter put the car in reversed the car and BOOM!

"Oh my...Peter what did you hit?" Lois whispered while covering her mouth. Brian opened the door, walked to the back, and gasped.

"Peter you hit Meg! Meg are you alright?" He said. Meg looked at him and giggled.

"Your funny." she busted out in laughter. Brian sighed _Great now Meg is stupid._ He helped her into the farthest seat and laid her down.

"You need to rest." She nodded and passed out. Chris got out of the car and ran into the house. He returned a few minutes later with his sketch book in hand.

"Good. Do we have everything now Lois?" Peter asked annoyed.

"Yes we do Peter." Lois snapped back. "ON WARDS TO THE SMITHS!" she screeched even louder.


	2. Chapter 2- The Smiths

_Mean while at the Smith's residence..._

_"_Honey!" yelled Stan. Francine walked over to him.

"Yes Stan?" She sighed.

"Is this tie to formal?" He said pulling out his diamond plated tie.

"Just a bit Stan...We don't want my cousin feeling poor..."

"No no no no...haha silly Francine...so simple minded it's adorable. We want her fat husband to feel poor haha! If they aren't Smiths they are poor. haha"

"Stan I just don't see where your logic is coming from...it's completely irrelevant to the family reunion." Francine said as she closed the door behind her. She walked downstairs and screeched.

"Steve! Hailey! Stop that this instant!" Her eyes widened and gave off a scary feeling to it. Hailey laughed.

"Mom I know I'm completely anti- violence but we are just practicing for if that Meg girl tries to attack us...Dad hasn't said the best things." Hailey got up and said while wiping her knees.

"Yea mom...and my friends wanted to come over if thats fine." Steve said expecting her reply to be yes.

"Well your father is trying to make them feel poor and worthless so let him be a retard alone for once...and I guess Steve..." She wiped her hair from her face and walked into the kitchen.

"Ahhh Francine glad to see you have still kept your sanity." Klaus said from his fishtank. Francine looked towards his direction.

"Klaus put that away. There is to be NO violence at all when they get here got it?" She glared at him and he smiled.

"Then what are you going to do about Roger...He's an alien Francine..." He smirked at her signifying her defeat.

"They have a talking dog and a evil world-domination driven gay acting baby... I think we are more normal..." Her face grew straight as Roger walked in. He was clutching a picture. _Probably of Stan's jewel thief father again...he still hasn't gotten over it..._ Francine tried to pull a smile.

"What picture are you clutching there Roger?" She said trying to have him give her the picture.

"A picture of this beautiful creature. Isn't she just so cute? I didn't know we had another alien in the family, why didn't you tell me?" He said excitedly, clutching the picture tighter. Francine looked at him strangely.

"Let me see that." She said and snatched it out of his hands. She turned around the photo and giggled. "Yes Roger this it totally the other alien in the family."

Rogers eyes lit up and he giggled like a school girl while Francine showed Klaus the photo and both of them giggled behind their hands.

"I'm going to make my room all authentic for her. She must be home-sick like I am." He sighed grabbing the photo from Francine and ran upstairs.

"I can't believe he mistook her for an alien...I can see how but it's just weird." Klaus said. Francine nodded her head in agreement.

"Francine! Where are my Twinkies? I need to hide them from Peter!" Stan yelled from upstairs.

"Already done honey! In your second drawer, in your hidden compartment." She yelled back. Francine looked at Klaus. "This isn't going to go as planned is it?"


	3. Chapter 3-The Smith Name Game

"NO! God Peter!" Lois yelled.

"Sorry Lois if I forgot their names." Peter said while gripping the steering wheel tighter. Lois gave a glare.

"This is the fifteenth time. Ok. Let's Review...Francine is? Chris." She said leading him on.

Chris replied. "Francine is Stans wife and mother to Hailey and Steve." Lois leaned her head back in amazement as did the rest of the car besides Peter who was mocking Chris's intellectual stamina.

"That's correct Chris. Good Job... Now Meg," Meg sat upward holding an ice-pack to her head that they picked up at a gas station. "Who is Roger?"

"Isn't Roger that weird looking alien in the attic, oh and he loves to drink." She said as she laid back down.

"I could use a drink right now.."She whispered to herself."Now Brian. Who is Hailey?" She asked while playing with a pen she found on the dash.

"Hailey is the anti-gun, world peace, animal loving young adult. Black hair and wears flip flops." He took the last swig of his flask, turned it upside down, shook it, and closed it. Lois grabbed it from him and put it in her purse. She rubbed her temples.

"Very good. OK now...Peter...Who is Stan Smith?" She asked slowly. Peter swallowed the last bit of cheeseburger he had in him mouth, cleared his voice and spoke.

"Stan Smith is the father of... umm...the father of...Hailey and Steve...and umm..." sweat started to come out of his face as his cheeks started turning red," umm umm and Francine is his wife?" He said unsure, and Lois looked up and smiled. "What this time Lois? Did I mess up?"

"No...Peter...you got it right. You actually got it right!" She hugged him and Peter swerved, pushed her off and gripped the steering wheel again.

"Jeeze Lois trying to drive here." He said in a snotty voice. Lois nodded and pointed at a sign.

"Look Peter! Langely Falls only 2 more miles!" She screeched, "Oh I haven't seen Francine in ages! You guys haven't even met her, but when daddy and mommy used to go on their adult cruises they would send me to her house. Oh this will be so much fun!"

"No offense mom but what if it isn't all you think it will be?" Chris said.

"Non-sense Chris!


	4. Chapter 4- The beginning of the worse

*Ding Ding*

"Oh they're here!" Francine ran from the kitchen and threw the wash cloth she had behind her. She twisted the door handle and smiled. "Lois!"

"Francine! It's been too long!" She smiled back and stepped back revealing Meg and Chris.

"This must be Meg...and that is Chris, so where's the rest of the family?"

" Stewie fell asleep in the car and Brian is chasing Peter, Peter ran after a ball again. Where's Hailee? I haven't seen her since she was a baby, and Steve?"

"oh upstairs, please, come in. Roger! Stan! Steve! Hailee! Family's here!" Steve and Hailee sluggishly walked down the the stairs and stopped two steps before the bottom.

"You are?"

"Meg and this is Chris"

"o- ow Roger!" Roger slammed into Hailee and jumped down from the stairs.

"my darling, come with me; these humans don't know how to treat a wonderful lady like you." He put his hand out and Meg grabbed it. They walked upstairs together with everyone laughing on their exit.

"That..that was odd..." Lois stuttered. She shook off the feeling and placed her bags down by the sofa.

"So Francine, you must tell me how you have been! It's just been so long. Come Chris, Hailee, Steve. Sit with us." She practically pranced to the sofa.

Lois smiled, "Well Francine, if you must know...Life has been decent, Peter hasn't gotten into that much trouble and the kids are normal enough for todays society." She thought of all the incidents that had happened in the past 15 years and shuddered. _How could she tell Francine about all those problems...she has a reputation to uphold._ "You Francine? How has your life been?"

Francine chuckled picturing all the problems that Stan has caused, all the rebellions Hailee has been behind, all the...well..all the awkward things Steve has done...and well there is nothing normal about Roger or Klaus. "Everything has been wonderful. Picture perfect nothing wrong here haha."

"AHHHHHHH! GET AWAY FROM ME YOU FREAK!" The shriek filled the house and startled Lois and Francine. Meg came running down the stairs with a metallic headband on and was covered in ink. Steve and Hailee giggled,

"You really shouldn't talk about yourself like that Meg." Steve smirked.

"Ew she inked!" Hailee screamed covering her nose signifying her distaste for Meg. Lois's eyes widened.

"Megan! What happened! What did you do to Roger!" She wiped Megs face off.

"It was Roger mom! He tried to get on me!" She started to cry. Brian walked through the room holding Stewie and Peter was behind him with his head down.

"The ball belonged to Jimmy from Oakie Blvd...he took it away from me Lois!" Peter started to cry. Brain tried to calm him down.

"Now Peter, we can get a red ball for you. A new shiny one. Who needs the ball from Jimmy form Oakie Blvd? No one. That's who."

"It's not the same!" Brian rubbed his temples,

"Peter, calm down please," he didn't calm down, "Peter please." Peter's crying grew into tiny screams of sadness. "Jesus Christ!" Brian swung his hand forward and hit Peter square in the face. Peter flew back into the wall with such force that shouldn't be given from a person of Brian's stature.

"I told you Francine! He's a loser!" Stan yelled from the stair case.

"STAN! How long have you been there?" Francine said with her hand on her chest to show her startle.

"Long enough Francine...Long enough." He gave a slight gaze at the twisted around body of Peter Griffin, gave a ha, and glided up the staircase.


End file.
